I know that your first hurt you alot, and now you're really wary of stuff because of that but for someone who asked me why I was doing the same exact thing, keeping my heart in a protective shell 6 months ago, well. Kinda ironic.
"Why you over here hard hard one?"
You don't have to brace yourself for anything, really.
Stop being so prepared for "in case we don't work out".
I'm already giving 110%, or so it seems right now in the wrong direction but I'm trying hard to get it back on your track.
All I'm asking is for you to do the same. This thing goes both ways. Don't start with the end in mind. I know it's just an involuntary subconscious emergency plan B, but still.
For the first person whom I've let in completely, don't block me out, that's all I ask of you. I really do want us to last.
And I'm sorry I'm a possessive bitch. It's not like I want to be like this, I hate it when I'm doing that too. But you have to know that this swings both ways; the more you keep me out, the more insecure I get and get more possessive, and then you keep me out even more. And this just some vicious cycle that doesn't end.
Yes, I am insecure because sometimes, you seem so prepared to let go. So I ask and reconfirm thru all possible means and questions, even though I already know the answers. I just do, I'm sorry. And it's even worse that you're not here. It pisses you off, I know, so I don't, but instead do what I can and even though that's the wrong step I still do try
I guess it's because I've found something that I totally cherish and am very afraid of losing. That would explain the disappearance of the commitment issues. I'm usually not that needy.
I'm not perfect. I do have flaws, why can't you accept it as it is? I'm trying to change, I'm not trying to change you and I never have.
One more thing, I really hate drama. Doesn't seem like it, I know, but if above more than anything, I really really really hate it when such things happen. I really hate it when we quarrel. Wish we never do, nor did. Trust me, definitely not on my to do list.
I just want you to know I'm trying my best and all I want is for you to do the same. Don't tell me it's not what you can give me if I already think it's not enough, it's not that. It is enough, and right as well. All I want, is to be let in, is that alright?