/edit: I used photobucket to add in pictures :D Totally love pb now HAHA saves my ass everytime!

HEHE HELLO!

(For some unexplainable reason, blogger refuses to upload my pics. So the post on the class outing will be postponed til blogger decides to be good)

SO, I'm going to give you a step by step guide on "AUN-TIE COURTESY", starting with lesson 1 and 2 today.

Lesson 1: Introduction.

AUN-TIE is different from aunty. Aunty is a term used to acknowledge a middle aged woman, but aun-tie is a newly conjured term by someone who's awake at 3am to refer to a persona with kiasu, kpkb and bitchy tendencies.

This guide will teach you how to face the different challenges in life we encounter using the aun-tie methods to get you your desired results, and to fully savour the fruits of your "labour".

A/N: Aunty has been renamed as aun-tie as there are some aunties out there who are nice and not all aun-ties are middle aged women.

Lesson 2: The table snatcher

Ever had someone steal your seat in a packed food court? Ever wondered how to get the seat you deserve, simply because you were there 1st?

Scenario 1:

You're in a super crowded food court with your family or friends and there are no other alternatives to turn to because it's pouring cows and monkeys outside. You spot a table with people finishing their food, so you move over and stand relatively close to it, yet giving some space for the people to eat in peace, but still marking it as YOUR territory. And so you wait. 10 minutes pass, your legs are getting tired, your stomach is growling, no, screeching for it to be filled, but the people at the table are not done yet.

Suddenly, 2 people show up. One, a middle aged aunty with trademark bright clothes and permed greying hair. The other, presumably her daughter. The aunty spots the same table as you have chosen and stands close to it too. Her daughter says, "But there's someone here already." but she brushes it off with a "So?". She gives you a sneering look, while inching closer to the table at the same time. Before you realise it, she stands right infront of you with her back facing you, and grabs the once-filled seat before you do as she's blocking your path.

The table is now hers and she avoids your gaze while pretending she earned the table by waiting so long and calls all her tag-alongs to celebrate her victory over you, in the match of table snatching. You have to run along and spot another table, just because she's older than you and the asian society is biased towards older people due to the word "respect".

.
.
.

DON'T YOU JUST WANT TO SMACK THESE KIND OF PEOPLE? Snatching a long awaited seat from a poor hungry you right under your nose!

The method I'm going to introduce to you might include some ugly scenes which the society frowns upon, but at least you do get your table.

1) When you spot a table with people finishing soon, move over ASAP. Make sure no one has "marked" the table yet.

2)Watch out for offenders.

3) If one approaches, cross your arms give them the look(1). This gives them the hint that you're no pushover.

4) If the offender refuses to move away and starts blocking your path, move accordingly.

5) ALWAYS MAKE SURE YOUR PATH IS NOT BLOCKED AND YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THE TABLE.

6) The moment the 1 person at the table leaves, grab the chair and sit on it. THIS IS CRUCIAL. YOU MUST TAKE IT BEFORE THE OFFENDER DOES. Remember, the 1st one who gets the chair wins.

7) After you're comfortably seated, give the smile(2). Make direct eye contact. Remember, one man's meat is another man's poison. In this case, this poison will make the offender's blood boil to no end, plus you're showing that you're gloating over the fact that you've just won the table-snatching match, teaching the offender a lesson not to steal.

You must note, the other 2 very important things in this 7 steps are the look(1) and the smile(2). These aren't ordinary looks or smiles. These presumably normal looking gestures doesn't make you embarrassed in public places as they are not very attention attracting, but to the offender, they are subtle signs that show that you're not someone to be trifled with and they should not even think of trying to offend you, as the other option would be to cause a scene.

The look(1): At this stage, you're trying to show your displeasure and making it known to the offender that you were here 1st. There are a few ways, and these are a few:

-Check out the offender. Start with the face, get their eye contact, then sweep over their form moving your eyes only. End with eye contact again. Blink slowly as if you're rolling your eyes and look away. Checking them out makes them feel as if they're a small fry.

-Have eye contact with the offender. Glare at them straight.


-Have eye contact, and raise your eyebrow.

Mix and match these steps. One possible way is to:

Relax your shoulders, make eye contact, flick your hair a little with your head then tilt your head up to give off a haughty air. After which, check them out with only the eyes moving and end with the raising of the eyebrow and the slow blink away. (Personal favourite)

The smile(2): Here, you're proclaiming your victory so the offender cannot cause a din with a twisted story of you being the offender instead. This smile must show that you're no pushover, in case the offender grabs the other seats and force you to move off. But by simply smiling, you're already showing that you own the place for the period of which you get the table til when you're done to the offender. No one else can accuse you of being a bitch other than the offender because its a SMILE.

REMEMBER, the smile MUST radiate happiness because it indicates you're a kpkb bitch and no one should kid around with you.


A few suggestions:
-The innocent smile.
-The small smile.
-The smirk.


Note: Don't grin like an idiot. That is akin to asking for trouble.

Examples of faces you should not make:


Couple those with a few other gestures, and you're on your way to a confirmed seat in a food court with no trouble at all.

A few suggestions:
-Sit demurely and look at the offender's horrified face. Give a small shrug of the shoulders while giving a small smile. Remember to open your eyes as big as possible to give an innocent look, but we all know that its a look that shoots daggers.

-Tilt your head to one side and give the offender an innocent smile.

-Lean heavily against the chair, put an arm around the next chair and cross your legs. Tilt your head up again towards the offender and give eye contact. After which, give a small smirk. (Personal favourite)


Alternatively, you can just make a phone call to your family members or friends who are table hunting at other spots of the food court, look at the offender and say it audible enough for the offender to hear,"EH I'VE GOT A TABLE ALREADY. COME COME."

This method doesn't show the bitchy side of you but it makes it clear as of the temporary ownership of the table. Remember, calling people over is equal to calling for backup. It is normal instinct to back away from opponents with more people.

The only people you should allow to get the table even if you were there 1st are obviously pregnant ladies, really old people, parents with young kids running about and people who are on crutches.

Unless they piss you off, then that's another case.

But if they're accompanied with big sized men who look as if they are able to challenge the hulk, I suggest not to give the look or the smile. Too dangerous. You're there for a meal, not a trashing.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Yes this did happen to me just now while I was at Ikea. Bloody hell it was like madness la the way it was packed!

Stupid auntie with hot pink shirt. But I got the seat before she did, so that's why I'm sharing with you how to pwn bloody aunties who steal your seats and then gloat over it just because I've had enough of it!

She only got up to the part where she started blocking me. Thank god for my inherited kpkbness :D

No really it runs in the blood!

I was telling my parents about the accident on the very very eventful saturday during the 1408 class outing.

So we went cycling from ECP to Changi Village using the PCN thing and their bike rentals, 10 bikes and I doubled with szeling because she doesn't know how to cycle (and because it's cheaper MUAHAHA). So there came this part where after we stopped and started again, after about 2km, we met w the other lost sheep and realised that we had lost sheep too.

Turns out that BJ's bike spoilt and GR and THP were w him. Thinking it was just a chain problem and I've had enough experience dealing with chain problems, I exchanged bike with Ninian and went back to help them because I had toilet paper with me. I'll tell you why I have toilet paper with me later in the next post okkkkk? :D

Went back, and found out that it wasn't a chain problem, but it was actually something I couldn't fix. We decided to turn back to the nearest PCN stop which was a few km away.

It's really stupid to have 3 working bikes to go the same speed as an uncyclable bike so I pulled BJ's bike along with him steering his own bike, meaning I steered with 1 hand, and sadly, my left hand. Ima right hander.

There came a point where there was this gentle slope down outside NSRCC, and even though there were 3 lanes, the other 2 were for the people cycling the opp direction, and pedestrians, which were in use, the lane for the direction we were travelling in had this uncle and a small kid. They were cycling side by side, taking up the ENTIRE lane.

1st thing I did, was to ring the bell. Ring so damn mother long already they still don't want to move! By that time we were moving down the slope already and I wasn't very feeling very stable either. Kept ringing, but they refused to budge!

1st instinct, was to hit the brakes, except I forgot the fact that I braked 1 side only. The front wheel stopped, I fell off my bike and landed on the ground. So like that you'll definitely curse right!

I muttered,"stupid kid." THEN THAT BLOODY PCC ASSHOLE TURNED AND SAID,"WHAT HAS MY SON DONE SO THAT YOU CALLED HIM STUPID? YOU SHOULD HAVE SLOWED DOWN INSTEAD!" and some other stuff along those lines that weren't very pretty.

1st of all, I didn't say the word very loudly! How come the words can go through your thick helmet and thick skull and not the ringing!

2nd of all, WAHPIANG EH PEOPLE RING SO LONG ALREADY YOU NO COMMON SENSE TO MOVE IS IT? YOU OWN THE DAMNED MOTHER ROAD MEH?

Ok, that aside, that fucker still had the balls to glare at me. So I was like,"NIN NA EH." He glares somemore. knnbccb I SO WANTED TO GO OVER AND GOURGE HIS EYEBALLS OUT, THEN STAMP ON HIS NOSE AND BALLS INFRONT OF HIS SON.

Except that BJ was wearing a tj shirt and the guys were like, omg chill or something like that. The last thing I'd want from this kinda event is getting a double heavy penalty with the principal talk.

But thank goodness I landed on some plants so I don't have many scratches, with the biggest cut being a small skin tear on my palm. The others are 3 orh-qings on my legs, TMD. Now I know how Alicia feels!

SO anyway, I was recounting this to my mum after I told her about the aunty who tried to steal the seat up to the part where he started spewing his nonsense, and she was like,

"WHY YOU NEVER GO AND HOOT HIM! You got friends with you right! GO HOOT HIM TOGETHER!"

And my dad was like, "Ya lor, why never whack him. Like this I'd go there and *BLAM*"

Then afterwards I told her I told the guy "Your mother", and she was like, you said "nin lao bu?" I didn't want to tell her it was actually "nin na eh" so I just said, uh yeah. Then she said,"WAH YOU SAY VULGARITIES AH!"

Then she continued,"YOU NEVER CALL HIM OTHER NAMES! *vulgarity* *censored* *bleeeeep*"

So, that explains my not very quiet behavior when people piss me off. Thankewberrymuch. Told ya it's in my blood (:

OK IT'S 4.39AM GOODNIGHT!

Labels: (:, 14/08, happy, lalala, life saving techniques, musings

Posted @ 7/06/2009 02:38:00 AM

/edit: I used photobucket to add in pictures :D Totally love pb now HAHA saves my ass everytime!

HEHE HELLO!

(For some unexplainable reason, blogger refuses to upload my pics. So the post on the class outing will be postponed til blogger decides to be good)

SO, I'm going to give you a step by step guide on "AUN-TIE COURTESY", starting with lesson 1 and 2 today.

Lesson 1: Introduction.

AUN-TIE is different from aunty. Aunty is a term used to acknowledge a middle aged woman, but aun-tie is a newly conjured term by someone who's awake at 3am to refer to a persona with kiasu, kpkb and bitchy tendencies.

This guide will teach you how to face the different challenges in life we encounter using the aun-tie methods to get you your desired results, and to fully savour the fruits of your "labour".

A/N: Aunty has been renamed as aun-tie as there are some aunties out there who are nice and not all aun-ties are middle aged women.

Lesson 2: The table snatcher

Ever had someone steal your seat in a packed food court? Ever wondered how to get the seat you deserve, simply because you were there 1st?

Scenario 1:

You're in a super crowded food court with your family or friends and there are no other alternatives to turn to because it's pouring cows and monkeys outside. You spot a table with people finishing their food, so you move over and stand relatively close to it, yet giving some space for the people to eat in peace, but still marking it as YOUR territory. And so you wait. 10 minutes pass, your legs are getting tired, your stomach is growling, no, screeching for it to be filled, but the people at the table are not done yet.

Suddenly, 2 people show up. One, a middle aged aunty with trademark bright clothes and permed greying hair. The other, presumably her daughter. The aunty spots the same table as you have chosen and stands close to it too. Her daughter says, "But there's someone here already." but she brushes it off with a "So?". She gives you a sneering look, while inching closer to the table at the same time. Before you realise it, she stands right infront of you with her back facing you, and grabs the once-filled seat before you do as she's blocking your path.

The table is now hers and she avoids your gaze while pretending she earned the table by waiting so long and calls all her tag-alongs to celebrate her victory over you, in the match of table snatching. You have to run along and spot another table, just because she's older than you and the asian society is biased towards older people due to the word "respect".

.
.
.

DON'T YOU JUST WANT TO SMACK THESE KIND OF PEOPLE? Snatching a long awaited seat from a poor hungry you right under your nose!

The method I'm going to introduce to you might include some ugly scenes which the society frowns upon, but at least you do get your table.

1) When you spot a table with people finishing soon, move over ASAP. Make sure no one has "marked" the table yet.

2)Watch out for offenders.

3) If one approaches, cross your arms give them the look(1). This gives them the hint that you're no pushover.

4) If the offender refuses to move away and starts blocking your path, move accordingly.

5) ALWAYS MAKE SURE YOUR PATH IS NOT BLOCKED AND YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THE TABLE.

6) The moment the 1 person at the table leaves, grab the chair and sit on it. THIS IS CRUCIAL. YOU MUST TAKE IT BEFORE THE OFFENDER DOES. Remember, the 1st one who gets the chair wins.

7) After you're comfortably seated, give the smile(2). Make direct eye contact. Remember, one man's meat is another man's poison. In this case, this poison will make the offender's blood boil to no end, plus you're showing that you're gloating over the fact that you've just won the table-snatching match, teaching the offender a lesson not to steal.

You must note, the other 2 very important things in this 7 steps are the look(1) and the smile(2). These aren't ordinary looks or smiles. These presumably normal looking gestures doesn't make you embarrassed in public places as they are not very attention attracting, but to the offender, they are subtle signs that show that you're not someone to be trifled with and they should not even think of trying to offend you, as the other option would be to cause a scene.

The look(1): At this stage, you're trying to show your displeasure and making it known to the offender that you were here 1st. There are a few ways, and these are a few:

-Check out the offender. Start with the face, get their eye contact, then sweep over their form moving your eyes only. End with eye contact again. Blink slowly as if you're rolling your eyes and look away. Checking them out makes them feel as if they're a small fry.

-Have eye contact with the offender. Glare at them straight.


-Have eye contact, and raise your eyebrow.

Mix and match these steps. One possible way is to:

Relax your shoulders, make eye contact, flick your hair a little with your head then tilt your head up to give off a haughty air. After which, check them out with only the eyes moving and end with the raising of the eyebrow and the slow blink away. (Personal favourite)

The smile(2): Here, you're proclaiming your victory so the offender cannot cause a din with a twisted story of you being the offender instead. This smile must show that you're no pushover, in case the offender grabs the other seats and force you to move off. But by simply smiling, you're already showing that you own the place for the period of which you get the table til when you're done to the offender. No one else can accuse you of being a bitch other than the offender because its a SMILE.

REMEMBER, the smile MUST radiate happiness because it indicates you're a kpkb bitch and no one should kid around with you.


A few suggestions:
-The innocent smile.
-The small smile.
-The smirk.


Note: Don't grin like an idiot. That is akin to asking for trouble.

Examples of faces you should not make:


Couple those with a few other gestures, and you're on your way to a confirmed seat in a food court with no trouble at all.

A few suggestions:
-Sit demurely and look at the offender's horrified face. Give a small shrug of the shoulders while giving a small smile. Remember to open your eyes as big as possible to give an innocent look, but we all know that its a look that shoots daggers.

-Tilt your head to one side and give the offender an innocent smile.

-Lean heavily against the chair, put an arm around the next chair and cross your legs. Tilt your head up again towards the offender and give eye contact. After which, give a small smirk. (Personal favourite)


Alternatively, you can just make a phone call to your family members or friends who are table hunting at other spots of the food court, look at the offender and say it audible enough for the offender to hear,"EH I'VE GOT A TABLE ALREADY. COME COME."

This method doesn't show the bitchy side of you but it makes it clear as of the temporary ownership of the table. Remember, calling people over is equal to calling for backup. It is normal instinct to back away from opponents with more people.

The only people you should allow to get the table even if you were there 1st are obviously pregnant ladies, really old people, parents with young kids running about and people who are on crutches.

Unless they piss you off, then that's another case.

But if they're accompanied with big sized men who look as if they are able to challenge the hulk, I suggest not to give the look or the smile. Too dangerous. You're there for a meal, not a trashing.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Yes this did happen to me just now while I was at Ikea. Bloody hell it was like madness la the way it was packed!

Stupid auntie with hot pink shirt. But I got the seat before she did, so that's why I'm sharing with you how to pwn bloody aunties who steal your seats and then gloat over it just because I've had enough of it!

She only got up to the part where she started blocking me. Thank god for my inherited kpkbness :D

No really it runs in the blood!

I was telling my parents about the accident on the very very eventful saturday during the 1408 class outing.

So we went cycling from ECP to Changi Village using the PCN thing and their bike rentals, 10 bikes and I doubled with szeling because she doesn't know how to cycle (and because it's cheaper MUAHAHA). So there came this part where after we stopped and started again, after about 2km, we met w the other lost sheep and realised that we had lost sheep too.

Turns out that BJ's bike spoilt and GR and THP were w him. Thinking it was just a chain problem and I've had enough experience dealing with chain problems, I exchanged bike with Ninian and went back to help them because I had toilet paper with me. I'll tell you why I have toilet paper with me later in the next post okkkkk? :D

Went back, and found out that it wasn't a chain problem, but it was actually something I couldn't fix. We decided to turn back to the nearest PCN stop which was a few km away.

It's really stupid to have 3 working bikes to go the same speed as an uncyclable bike so I pulled BJ's bike along with him steering his own bike, meaning I steered with 1 hand, and sadly, my left hand. Ima right hander.

There came a point where there was this gentle slope down outside NSRCC, and even though there were 3 lanes, the other 2 were for the people cycling the opp direction, and pedestrians, which were in use, the lane for the direction we were travelling in had this uncle and a small kid. They were cycling side by side, taking up the ENTIRE lane.

1st thing I did, was to ring the bell. Ring so damn mother long already they still don't want to move! By that time we were moving down the slope already and I wasn't very feeling very stable either. Kept ringing, but they refused to budge!

1st instinct, was to hit the brakes, except I forgot the fact that I braked 1 side only. The front wheel stopped, I fell off my bike and landed on the ground. So like that you'll definitely curse right!

I muttered,"stupid kid." THEN THAT BLOODY PCC ASSHOLE TURNED AND SAID,"WHAT HAS MY SON DONE SO THAT YOU CALLED HIM STUPID? YOU SHOULD HAVE SLOWED DOWN INSTEAD!" and some other stuff along those lines that weren't very pretty.

1st of all, I didn't say the word very loudly! How come the words can go through your thick helmet and thick skull and not the ringing!

2nd of all, WAHPIANG EH PEOPLE RING SO LONG ALREADY YOU NO COMMON SENSE TO MOVE IS IT? YOU OWN THE DAMNED MOTHER ROAD MEH?

Ok, that aside, that fucker still had the balls to glare at me. So I was like,"NIN NA EH." He glares somemore. knnbccb I SO WANTED TO GO OVER AND GOURGE HIS EYEBALLS OUT, THEN STAMP ON HIS NOSE AND BALLS INFRONT OF HIS SON.

Except that BJ was wearing a tj shirt and the guys were like, omg chill or something like that. The last thing I'd want from this kinda event is getting a double heavy penalty with the principal talk.

But thank goodness I landed on some plants so I don't have many scratches, with the biggest cut being a small skin tear on my palm. The others are 3 orh-qings on my legs, TMD. Now I know how Alicia feels!

SO anyway, I was recounting this to my mum after I told her about the aunty who tried to steal the seat up to the part where he started spewing his nonsense, and she was like,

"WHY YOU NEVER GO AND HOOT HIM! You got friends with you right! GO HOOT HIM TOGETHER!"

And my dad was like, "Ya lor, why never whack him. Like this I'd go there and *BLAM*"

Then afterwards I told her I told the guy "Your mother", and she was like, you said "nin lao bu?" I didn't want to tell her it was actually "nin na eh" so I just said, uh yeah. Then she said,"WAH YOU SAY VULGARITIES AH!"

Then she continued,"YOU NEVER CALL HIM OTHER NAMES! *vulgarity* *censored* *bleeeeep*"

So, that explains my not very quiet behavior when people piss me off. Thankewberrymuch. Told ya it's in my blood (:

OK IT'S 4.39AM GOODNIGHT!

Labels: (:, 14/08, happy, lalala, life saving techniques, musings

Posted @ 7/06/2009 02:38:00 AM