hello!
im in a very very reflective mood today, esp after GP where all the quotes sieved out by mr chung reflected on the sad life of jc students, which we all agree is much sadder than the jews in germany during hitler's reign.
he said, if you can get past this 2 yrs (in jc), you can get past anything.
for me, the exception would be lifting concrete blocks and doing mole concept. but thats not the point.
i'm supposed to be writing an emo essay right now yo. quit crapping.
right. topic one. music.
right now i'm like my little bro's music teacher, and i've started to wonder how i took the interest in piano in the 1st place. i guess it had to do with the piano in my grandma's house which belonged to my aunt and being the buggy kid, i got my mum to get me to piano lessons. in which i feel like i've let my parents down somehow. quitting before grade 8 yo. what kind of loser does that la please. me right.
i've wanted to quit music in different points of my life, like in sec 1, 2, 3(TA1) and finally i did, in 4 (TA2). haha. how funny it was in ascending order. guess it was everything else that amounted up to quitting. esp the A2 piece 3rd page. bloody hell i still remember falling asleep and playing the right hand part with my left hand. hahahaha.
at 1st, this quit piano thing was just supposed to be hiatus, but i have this feeling that i'll never ever take piano up, ever again, nonono. what was i thinking. i'm the kind of loser who goes back to sleep after snoozing, then finally unsnoozing the alarm and sleep til i'm late for school.
topic two. i made the wrong choice.
honestly, i feel that TA ruined my life. lol.
but it's not only in 1 aspect, there're many contributing factors.
1) my expectations are much lower right now.
i used to complain to my music teacher that i had a 96 for my math, and i was whining about the lost of 4 marks.
then i used to complain that i had an A2 for science instead of A1.
after that i also complained about not being the top in the class for the 2093582th consecutive time.
now if i could just get a 50 for everything i'd be over the moon. right now la. A's will be a totally different thing altogether. that one would be choing all the way for A+++++ yo.
2) my lifestyle
damn the tablet. it's ruining my concentration.
i can't do what i used to: wake up, school, chiong home after school to mug, mug, sleep, wake up for school.
right. this will be enforced after im done with the pw stuff i have right now.
3) my social life in bowling
after i left C div, and now that im back in A div, NO ONE KNOWS ME ):
and everyone knows each other from B div ):
ahh ):
there're a few more but i dont know how to list them so im just going to have a fucking verbal diarrhoea. right ok, i wont.
so basically.
if i didnt come to TA, i wouldnt have quit music, ruined my grades, fell in love, fell out of love, wasted half a year on nothing at all, known more about people, made good friends to end up not being accquaintences at all, missed 2 years of having the privacy and fun of a girls' school that no mixed school would have, lost one form of a social circle, started to hate studying, lost potentials, lost chances with some people, have strained relationships with my parents, lost myself.
i dont know if i'd gained more, or lost more.
like seriously.
when they said going to a new school is a life changing moment, they were right.
i miss loving studying. ):
right ok. thou shalt not need a man for the nxt 1 and a half years, thou shalt love thy books!
and i hope you like my new skin. emo boy got too emo.
plus, like what i said. not only emo boys are hot. (:
byebye!
Labels: emo, musings, random, sad